Archive for the 'R U Kidding' Category

Last week, Mark Cuban wrote a post about a theory to undermine Google’s Search. For those of you who don’t know, Mark is the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, a National Basketball Association (NBA) team, and Chairman of HDNet. Cuban is also known for selling his venture, Broadcast.com, to Yahoo! in 1999 for $5.9 billion in stock.

Enough about Cuban. What’s his theory? You’ll have to read it on his blog, BlogMaverick.com, to find out. In my opinion, this isn’t enough to beat Google. Cuban’s argument is a bit idealistic and not practical. I wonder if he truly understands this market.

Justine Ezarik captured her experience on video as she unwrapped her 300-page iPhone bill. She told Gizmodo, the bill accounted for almost 30,000 text messages and 200 minutes of talk time on her iPhone alone.

Check it out.

For one lucky contestant, this dream will become a reality. Starting tomorrow, twelve contestants will be vying for the chance to work with Joel Comm on his next business venture.

Tune into The Next Internet Millionaire and see whose idea reigns supreme (just kidding especially if you’re a fan of the Iron Chef television show).

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By now, you’ve heard about the Facebook lawsuit. You know the one where ConnectU founders, Cameron Winklevoss, Tyler Winklevoss, and Divya Narendra allege Mark Zuckerberg stole their ideas to create a social networking website.

Today, Judge Douglas Woodlock gave the ConnectU founders until August 8th to clarify the lawsuit which include charges of fraud, copyright infringement, and misappropriation of trade secrets.

The “he said, we said” allegations read like a trashy techy tabloid. Read more about this on-going saga here.

by Mike Fennelly

Now that I’ve recovered from the trip to Las Vegas, and mugged enough old ladies to pay my rent for yet another month, it’s time to write again. Now, I was originally excited when I came back here and saw that we had *gasp* FIFTY SIX comments awaiting moderation! I got considerably less excited when I noticed that 47 of these comments were offering mortgage refinancing, three were offering herbal viagra, and the remaining six were offering… well… “hot slut” was the term used. Enough said about that, at least in a public forum.
Now, Mr. Spammer, you may have noticed the words “awaiting moderation” up there in that first paragraph, nestled somewhere betweek “pay my rent” and “considerably less excited”. Look hard, I know you’ll find them. What that means to you is that nobody but Brion or myself is ever going to see your salacious come-ons, and it’s going to have to be one hell of a hot slut offering me a refinanced mortgage to get me to click on that link.

So, Mr. Demonstrative, or Miss Lumbar Q. Jellyfish, or Mme. Umber N. Corpulent, if you would like to offer PopDigerati wads of small, unmarked, non-sequential bills, we may ponder putting your ads up on the site, but we’re more likely to take your money back to Vegas with us, and laugh at you while we drop it all on Red.

Anyway, I was going somewhere with this, and that somewhere was the Nigerian 419 scam, which I’ll add to our “Posers” category. I’m sure we’ve all received at least 50 or 60 of these over the years, but if you haven’t, here’s a sample : (keep reading after the jump)
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by Mike Fennelly

“If ignorant of the almighty

Time Cube Creation Truth

you deserve to be killed. “

[ed. note : THE TIME CUBE SITE DESTROYS HTML FORMATTING! YOUR IGNORANCE JACKASS EDUCATION OF TWO CORNER HTML CAN NOT WITHSTAND AWESOME POWER OF TIME CUBE ITALIC HOLDOVER!"]

[note to ed. note : Fixed.]

Wow. I guess I, and at least ONE MILLION (before beseen counter died) other people deserve to be killed, because there is absolutely no way in (four corner one day) hell that I can make head nor tail of this steaming pile of internet knowledge.

Apparently Gene Ray, the self proclaimed “Doctor of Cubism” and “Wisest Person On Earth” can, since he’s the one who foisted this eternal knowledge on to the universe at large, and to Georgia Tech and MIT, of all places.
Now, let’s take a closer look at some of this :

Here we have Socrates, The Clintons, Einstein, and Jesus playing bridge, I believe. Socrates is Dummy, and Jesus and the Clintons are trying to block a 3NT bid by Einstein and Socrates. This is a good move, since Jesus is holding Clubs : KJ and AJ10987 in diamonds. Jesus had originally wanted a Diamonds bid, but Einstein was extremely overconfident and pushed for NT. I’m not entirely sure where Omar Sharif fits in here, or if he’d approve of the contract, but that would push this into the realm of a five sided cube, rather than Gene Ray’s four sided cube, and thus Omar doesn’t get to kibbitz.

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Here, as you can see, Mr. Ray has clearly predicted today’s Sudoku craze in 1997. Admittedly, he has made it impossible to solve, since he’s using 16 boxes and only four numbers, but you can clearly see that his concept was stolen by the Japanese newspaper syndicates as an attempt to discredit his theory that “God Worship Equals Baby Eating”. Now – I was raised Catholic, and I honestly don’t recall ever having eaten a single baby as part of an organized service, or on my own during bedtime prayers. Perhaps there is a member of some other denomination or religion that would like to come forward, or possibly a hypnotherapist who can regress me to the age of footy pajamas, nighttime prayers, and baby-eating? And what of the polytheists? Does Mr. Ray expect them to eat babies in a 1:1 ratio with the number of worshipped Gods? Obviously I am too jackass ignorant to understand the mighty power of the time cube. In Mr. Ray’s own words (and formatting) :

“You are an educated singularity idiot who can stupidily deny Nature’s Harmonic 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single
rotation of Earth, or even make parody of the Cubic Creation Principle – but your mental ability to comprehend thegreatest
social and scientific discovery of all human existence has been lobotomized by the evil academic singularity bastards hired to
destroy your ability to think opposite”

You read it. You can’t unread it.

Seen anything more harebrained? Let us know!

by Mike Fennelly

All right – so I’m getting to all of them, new and old, one by one. I know a good chunk of you readers have seen this stuff before, but for those who have been volunteering with the Amish for the past few years, I present to you :

Brian Peppers. Yes, the photo is real, but most of what you’ll find while cruising around the net ain’t. Mr. Peppers is a 38 year old registered sex offender in Ohio, and there’s those pushing to get his side of the tale out. Although, what that truth is, we don’t really seem to know as of yet.

So, now that I’ve made myself feel all guilty for perpetuating this internet fame for a guy who may have just seriously been crapped all over by life, I’ll move on to something that I have no reservations about posting at all.
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Ladies and Gentlemen : Moshzilla.

Hoo-boy, did it suck to be this girl for a while.

The photo you see over on the right there was taken by one Alex Stram at a hardcore show in San Diego. The photos you see below most certainly were not. At a certain point, the parents of the young lady seen getting her mosh on got involved, and got the law involved, and – as you can see since I’m gleefully posting here – managed to get bupkus done. Check out the gallery of photoshopped images here, even though I’m going to post a bunch below this very text you’re reading, and I’ll even save you the effort of having to type in your google search box to find more.

Next time : TIME CUBE!

by Mike Fennelly

How many times have you been forced to sit through yet another pointless two hour conference call with Ed from Accounting and Gustav from Marketing? How many times, during your Ed and Gustav quality time have you thought “You know what would really make this meeting more productive? A clown in bondage gear!” If you’re like me, every single frickin’ time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we present Ouchy the Clown.

Not only available to whip your meetings into shape, so to speak, he’ll also DJ your corporate functions, or just whale the living crap out of you for money!

(note to readers : please paypal mike@rubylashes.com large amounts of money so I can hire Ouchy to DJ my unsuspecting employer’s holiday party. I Am Not Kidding.)

Just look at that hulking mountain of…uh…er…semi-nude clown. Think about aformentioned hulking mountain of semi-nude clown standing in your conference room pointing out lurid details of the first quarter’s naughty, naughty losses.

Someone’s been a bad accountant, haven’t they? Haven’t they? And we know what Ouchy does do naughty accountants? Don’t we?

Well, actually, I guess we don’t. Nor do we really want to. Maybe.
Remember, folks – http://www.ouchytheclown.com – where the elite meet to get beat!

by Mike Fennelly

(note : the image server here seems to have issues right now – if this turns out to look all wacky and stuff, one of the crack team of PopDigerati IT ninjas that live in my closet will fix it pronto. Or when I wake up tomorrow morning. One of the two.)

Oh boy. I don’t even know where to start with this dude. Let’s just give a brief chronology, and turn this into a bit of a photo essay.

1) Wannabe eBay scammer sells non-functional laptop to what he thinks is an unsuspecting schmuck.

2)Unsuspecting schmuck gets laptop, notices that it’s not as advertised in the ad, then notices it flat out doesn’t work. He emails scammer and says “Dude. Money back. Now.”

3) Wanna-be Scammer. who we now know goes by the name Amir Massoud Tofangsazan, says “Oh. Sorry. I Moved to Dubai. and by the way I have no intention of ever paying you back.”

4) Unsuspecting Schmuck gets pissed. Unsuspecting Schmuck gets even. Unsuspecting Schmuck gets a website.
5) What Scammer thought was an unsuspecting schmuck turned out to be a pretty smart guy, who knew how to do things like…oh…take hard drives out of computers, see what was contained on them, and post the would-be scammers personal information, pictures, wacky-ass porn, and (best of all) all the pictures the would-be scammer had attempted to take up women’s skirts on the train.

a la :

If you want to see the porn, you’ll just have to head over to The Broken Laptop I Sold On Ebay, and learn more by checking out this total d-bag on Wikipedia.

Until next time, Amir Massoud Tofangsazan, we at PopDigerati Salute you, for keeping us entertained when we should have been working. Oh, and it really works better if you put a little camera on your shoe. At least until you get arrested.

Okay, I can’t resist. One more picture – best comment captioning this one gets a shiny brand new penny courtesy of your friends at PopDigerati!

by Mike Fennelly

Well, I guess with the Borat movie opening up this weekend, we should go digging through the depths of the bowels of the subbasements of the net to produce for you one Mr. Mahir Cagri. Truly the proto-Borat, if there ever was one. Mehir, it seems, was a wee bit lonely back in the stone age of 1999, and was looking for a bit of female companionship. Someone turned him on to the wonders of the internet, taught him the blink tag and how to embed images, and the internet gained an instant celebrity. These days, his site is no more professional, but – alas – the pure innocence of a Turkish man who just wants to kiss you has been sullied by crass commercialism. He’s got videos now though, so that makes it almost worthwhile.

UPDATE  : Mehir pizzed the off, for really — Is he making for the sue? If you good with the law, maybe he kiss you and let you work on the contingency!

Also, If you look in the comments section here, One Mr. Johnny Monkey seems to have his own personal beef with Borat. Either that or he just wants to promote his website. One thing that you can be sure of : He’s no Mehir.

Welcome to the PopDigerati world, Mehir. May it get you kissed.